I can’t believe I’m about to say this but last week Console Monster was invited to go and play…Duke Nukem Forever. That’s right, after waiting all these years I was finally able to sample a game that no one thought would ever see the light of day but was it a flop or did it have balls of steel? Find out below!
On yet another one of my adventures to the big city, I was drooling like a dog being denied a tasty treat as I knew in just a few short hours I would be sitting in a swanky bar being presented Duke Nukem Forever by none other than Randy Pitchford, president and CEO of Gearbox Software. Upon arriving I was greeted by the organisers and told we would be given a detailed presentation on the history of Duke Nukem Forever by Randy and finally be able to play a short demo of the game. I don’t think I could repeat the entire history of Duke Nukem Forever in this short preview, so I’m not even going to try instead, I’m just going to head straight to the demo and tell you all about the awesomeness which I was exposed to for the fifteen minutes I played.
I sat down, put my headset on, grabbed the controller and hit the start button. After a short load, I was looking at a urinal and told to hold down the right trigger to take a piss, which has to be one the strangest uses I’ve had for my right trigger but either way this is Duke and he seemed to really enjoy reliving himself. After what seemed the longest piss in history, I began exploring the building I was in and interacting with all the objects such as the showers, lights etc. One of the objects I encountered was a shattered mirror and then I finally saw it, the reflection of one my childhood heroes – Duke Nukem. Following the only route I could take I came across some soldiers who are discussing their plan of action crudely named, “Operation: Cock Block”. I was able to interact with the whiteboard that this plan was written on and write or draw anything I wanted in a variety of colours so I drew a pair of boobs and dashed off to the exit!
I then navigated my way through a few hallways, where soldiers were getting blown to bits, until I arrived at a football stadium where I saw a huge cyclops-like creature standing in front of me and I had now acquired a rocket launcher! With Duke’s comments complimenting the epic music, I pummelled the cyclops with all the rockets I had but he still didn’t die. This was one of those “oh, shit!” moments until I realised there was a crate of ammo sitting on the far side of the stadium, I grabbed a ton of rockets and continued the carnage. After forcing the cyclops to the floor, Duke grabbed his eye and kicked it across the stadium before commenting on how weak the alien was and how mighty he is. The camera zooms out and I find out I have been playing Duke Nukem while he is playing a Duke Nukem video game (you get it, right?). Two lovely young schoolgirls, who get up off the floor (I wonder what they were up to?), ask Duke, “What about the game, was it any good?”, and Duke responds “Yeah, but after twelve fucking years it should be”.
The demo now skipped to level fifteen which allowed me to test out the driving capabilities of Duke’s monster truck. The monster truck handled well as I cruised through an alien infested canyon and it was very satisfying to squish the familiar buggers from the previous titles. After reaching a point where the truck couldn’t go, I was forced to go by foot and take out the rest of the aliens with a variety of weapons. I was able to test out the usual pistol, shotgun, sniper rifle and machine gun, which performed as they should and I also got to have a lot of fun with the shrink ray (does it need explaining?). After a fierce battle against a fair few aliens, Duke gets knocked down by an explosion from an alien ship and the screen begins to fade but not before Duke gives the aliens the middle finger. What a finish!
I really enjoyed playing Duke Nukem Forever and it brought back a lot of fond memories of playing the older titles as a kid. There are plenty of new and awesome one-liners and plenty of pointless yet entertaining activities such as the pissing at the beginning of the demo; Randy even stated you can chuck your own poop at the enemies, how idiosyncratic! However, Duke Nukem Forever is everything I thought it would be and although we have had to wait almost thirteen years for the game to be released, I am finally glad the time is nearly upon us!