Top 10 Ways to Prepare for Xbox 360

Top 10 Ways to Prepare for Xbox 360

Published On October 24, 2005 | By Russ Clow | News

It is almost here. Before we all know what happened, our lives will be taken over by Microsoft’s pure gaming device; Xbox 360. This event will be unavoidable, so we figured that we would just suck it in. Instead of trying to resist the inevitable, we are going to make things a little easier by preparing for the Xbox 360 invasion on our lives. Below is a list of the top ten things that you, me and even your uncle can do to prepare. We think it’s a good list.

10. Purchase blinds so your TV set has no glare.
Nobody likes the terrible glare that lay itself upon your screen. Seriously, how can you slap and smack your opponent in Dead or Alive 4 when you can’t see him? How can you see anything with a glare? When you are avoiding the blissful graphics of Xbox 360, then the Microsoft police may end up at your door. Get blinds.

9. Perform finger workouts to get those muscles ready for long periods of gaming.
It doesn’t matter if you are a hardcore or casual gamer, you’ll be an addict after launch. Even if you aren’t mentally prepared, you can still get physically prepared. Buy mini barbells and do sets of lifts with your fingers.

8. Act as if you got a lethal plague and notify your boss you want to spend your last weeks with your Xbox 360.
You can’t play Xbox 360 while working, so don’t work. Make sure you have a couple of weeks off work, even if it means telling an atrocious lie.

7. If you ordered your Xbox 360 online, then plan to stalk your mail-man with your killer dog or cat.
Get that mail-man in your sights and track him down! Make sure that he has your 360 and hunt him until he hands it over. If needed, throw some extra fear his way by allowing your killer dog or cat to tag along with you.  This’ll stop him from stealing your 360.

6. Prepare your sleeping bag and tent to camp outside your pre-order store.
Just like those nerdy football tailgaters, you will have to camp outside of your preorder store. Bring the 24 pack of soda and some hotdogs; it may get rough out there and survival is of the utmost priority. You want to be the first to walk out of the store with the 360.

5. Cut off your Xbox controller cord and practice wireless.
For years a wired controller is all you’ve known. Not anymore… We want you to know what wireless is like so you’re not left in the dark when you go to play the 360 for the first time.

4. Hire a pizza chef to constantly provide you with quality pizza.
Look in the yellow pages for the best pizza restaurant, call it up, and offer the chef a new position. Tell him he will be heavily rewarded. When he accepts hop into a car and pick him and his supplies up at the restaurant. With this complete, you’ll have an endless supply of five-star pizza at your command.

3. Sell the wife and kids to raise money for a HDTV.
Who needs them when you can have the TV of your dreams? The HDTV won’t talk back, take up the bed, yell at you, and it certainly won’t be bothered when you play your Xbox 360. Nothing will look better than Xbox 360 games on a high def. television!  If you’re not married, skip this one!

2. Try placing your Xbox vertical – horizontal is so old school.
The shock of your vertical Xbox 360 may be overwhelming at first, so you might want to break in slowly. Get your lazy Xbox off its ass and set it vertically. This should slowly accustom you to the vertical realm.

1. Inform your girlfriend that the relationship is over; your Xbox 360 will delight you more than she ever did.
We can’t comment on this one… you’re on your own here.

Notice: 360Monster.com is not responsible if you end up with no wife, kids, mailman, job, or working Xbox and Xbox controller. Most of the above is for entertainment purposes only.

About The Author

Russ Clow not only nearly shares his name with one of the best Gladiators around, but he also has a bundle of experience under his belt. Since a very young age he's been playing video games, and has been working in the video game industry for most of his working career. Russ is a secret Sony Fanboy, although he tries hard to hide it so as to keep his position as Editor-in-Chief. When he's not playing games, Russ likes to play football with the "lads".