Joke Thread

[charliebrown]

It seems to me that the forums a little on the moody side.
Well no more.
Welcome to the dumb joke thread!
Post some stupid jokes here.

Whats a ----zu? a zoo with no animals.
Where does Kylie buy her kebabs from? Jasons doner-van.

[Joe]

who makes lame a.s.s freds?








charliebrown

[phatmuther]

Who cant spell thread because they have the same IQ as a monkey?









Joe

[Sean]

When an Essex girls having sex, what do they use for protection?

[Joe]

Who cant spell thread because they have the same IQ as a monkey?

Joe
who's Fat?

[damien©]

When an Essex girls having sex, what do they use for protection?

Sean's empty head..? Where's the Punch Line?

---

Anyway...Jokes that all races can laugh at

Why did god make ------s well-hung?
Because he felt sorry for putting pubes on there head.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Didn't know any white boy jokes....

How do you recognise a Kerryman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.

It's actually quite hard to find jokes that mock the majority, as they aren't seen as Racist but more cultured. Boring I know but never the less confusing, surely taking the piss out of someone for being Black is no different to taking the piss because they are a Scotsman or an Welshman?

Either way enjoy.

[Sean]

I wanted you to guess..


Answer: A bus shelter.

[Achilles06]

Don't press space bar loads between posts, they will be deleted by MODS/STAFF members. Thank you.

[phatmuther]

Pfft, for a joke thread it isnt much fun. Lighten up.

[Achilles06]

Maybe your just not funny? Think up some better jokes than pressing the space bar 800times.

[Fleeboi]

Space bar?

I thought it was the enter key.

[Achilles06]

Name something a joke thread and everyone thinks there a comedian eh? heh Yes fleeboi i meant the Enter Key..

[carocat]

You seem to have had a bad day?

Got any jokes, Achilles?

[Achilles06]

What do you call a dear with no eyes?
No idear

Why didn't the man eat the clown?
Because it tasted funny

[charliebrown]

Whats the difference between muslim extremists and smarties?
Smarties dont blow up in the tube.
Whats the difference between Diana and a mercedes?
A mercedes can reach 40

[phatmuther]

Maybe your just not funny?
I would estimate 112.5% of the people here think Im funnier than you.

[smileemptysoul]

i got a couple

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general’s body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: “From the tip of my ----- to the bottom of my testicles.” The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop ‘em. He did.
The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general’s ----- and
began to work back. “My God!” he said. “Where are your testicles?”
“The general replied, “In Vietnam.”

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Lubbock, Texas, while awaiting their respective flights.
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Fort Worth for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Texas Tech from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forw ard over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The Texas cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . .
"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."

[mitchw01]

There are 4 hostages in Iraq an englishman, irishman,welshman and a scots man,

They are given one last wish before being executed.

The welshman asks to have a abba tribute band play.
The scotsman asks for some bagpipe music to be played
The Irishman asks to see riverdance.

The Englishman is asked for his wish and he replies- Can you Kill me First!! ba boom boom cha....

[Dcontrol]

I'm going to get slaughtered for these but here goes......


Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here!"

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

What's blue and doesn't fit? Dead epileptic!

[mitchw01]

I'm going to get slaughtered for these but here goes......


Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here!"

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

What's blue and doesn't fit? Dead epileptic!



Arghhhhhhhh make it stop. :)

[JoshD182]

theyre quality D, any more???

[TBS Trojan]

How do you smile and wink at a nogger?(replace the o with i ;) )
(looks down the sight of a gun)

On the highway, there's a couple in an enraged fight, it gets so out of hand that she cuts his "happystick" off and throws it out the window. Well driving behind them is a Father and his young daughter. the "happystick" hits the window of their car and startles both of them instantly. Hoping not to expose his daughter to that sort of stuff yet, he says "Wow that was a big bug wasnt it? and the little girl replies, "Yea, that bug had a huge -----, didnt it daddy."

[WACCOE]

What's the difference between a Skoda and a Mercedes?


Princess Diana wouldn't be found dead in a Skoda.

[Project-Cooper]

Did you have to make that much of a gap in your post?

----

Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business. "It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls. "How can you tell?" says the other. "I can smell (starts with c)---- in the air" replies the first hooker. "Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"

[Fleeboi]

Did you have to make that much of a gap in your post?

Yes, he did.

[Dvx Uk]

Heres a few of mine :D


Q) What do you call a smart blond?

A) A Golden Retriever



Q) What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?

A) The porcupine has the pr!cks on the outside.



Q) What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?

A) "Are you sure it's mine?"



Q) Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A) Breasts don't have eyes.



Q) What's the difference between an Australian zoo and a British zoo?

A) An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.



Q) What do lawyers use for birth control?

A) Their personalities.



Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A) 20kg.



Q) Why do men want to marry virgins?

A) They can't stand criticism.



Q) A brunette, a blond and a redhead are all in 2nd year at school. Who has the biggest boobs?

A) The blond, because she's 18.

[phatmuther]

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are Chatting About their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all Three will wear a leather bodice, stilettos and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again. The engaged girlfriend said: the other night, when my boyfriend came back Home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened The raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.

The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my Mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos And mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller And a beer, and said, 'Oh, Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

[bingo83]

Whats Black and Screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the Iron :)

[HotFish]

Carocat

[fincheyboy]

Just thought of this one while I wsa brushing my teeth.

What does a guy say to the nurse giving him an STI test?

"Look me in the eye and tell me everything's gonna be ok."

[phatmuther]

An American ship is sailing just off the coast, when it receives a call. "This is Britain you need to divert your course 15 degrees"

So the American answers back, "How about you divert your course 15 degrees or we'll bomb your ass to kingdom come!"

The reply comes: "We are a lighthouse, your call"

[phatmuther]

How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go ride our bikes!

[H34DSH0CK]

There are 756 black people in a room, and one white guy, what is the white guys name?

Warden.

[xanderbetke]

why can a german and a brit never go golfing together??


Because the german wont get out of the bunker!!

[Joe]

That's a good joke D now put it back.

[bingo83]

How did the blond die clearing up leaves?

She fell out the tree